It's Go Time!

A lot has happened in the past week – all good stuff.  Most importantly, my genetic testing came back. 40 out of 40 cancer markers all negative. That includes BRCA 1 and BRCA 2.  BRCA could have meant risk for ovarian and uterine cancer and I’m telling you right now, I would have had them removed proactively – cancer in either of those are silent killers.  I also would have had to have a tough conversation with Gracie, not even 18 years old, about her being tested and being at high risk for breast, ovarian and uterine cancer.  But everything was negative.  When I say I felt a massive weight off my shoulders – that is a huge understatement. Big damn win!

Last week on Monday I was talking to my doctor and said I was avoiding places with a lot of people to avoid getting sick before surgery.  But I had a couple big days of all day meetings at work and a few other important work commitments – so I would be in the office on those days for sure. She reminded me that I am having surgery on my chest – and any tiny little cough would be a major issue.  If I were to get sick at all, even a tiny cold – I would need to delay surgery.  Reached out to my boss who immediately said “I insist you do not come into the office”.  Important to share because I know I work at an amazing place and I know I work with truly fantastic people – we all work really hard, but in the end, these are people who do care about the people they work with and that matters.  I have basically been in lock down since last Monday – leaving the house only for doctors appointments or my big outing – contactless grocery pick up.  I think I’ve picked up more groceries in the last week than I needed, but I was able to leave the house – drive and get groceries put in my trunk.

I cleared my pre-op exam last Friday and got “marked” yesterday.  I wasn’t sure what that was going to entail when they called to book the appointment – frankly, I was on a call with Finance working on budgets and wanted to get back to that as quickly as possible, so I didn’t clarify what we would be doing.  I went to the plastic surgeon, and he took out a purple marker and proceed to mark a whole bunch of things on my chest.  It literally looks like a 2-year-old was given a marker and went to town.  I’m not fully sure of the purpose of all the markings (I didn’t bother to ask), but it’s not just circles.  There are diagonals and things that look like big cat eyes.  Maybe a portion was necessary, and the rest was me being Punk’d?  I kept thinking if I get into an accident on the way home and they have to cut off my shirt there are going to be a lot of questions.

Tomorrow is the day. I have to be at Fairview Southdale hospital at 11:15AM, Marc can join me for a while until it’s time for the radioactive dye.  At some point they are going to inject radioactive dye into me and wait for it to go into the lymph nodes on the left side.  This ensures they know which ones are connected to the breast with cancer so they can remove them.  The lymph nodes on the right side will be left in place unless they discover cancer that they don’t expect to find.  My surgery is scheduled to start at 1:30PM (if they are running on time…I won’t hold my breath) and take about 4 hours.  The first two will be Dr. Singh performing the double mastectomy – the second two hours will be Dr. Schaefer performing reconstruction.  The big unknown is where the reconstruction will take place – over or under the pectoral muscle.  For years it was always done under the muscle – but there have been major breakthroughs in recent years allowing many women to get it over the muscle. My surgeon took me through tons of pros and cons and then I did a lot of playing Dr. Google.

Prepectoral (over the muscle) reconstruction is emerging and has a ton of benefits. Faster/easier recovery, less pain, less long term complications and apparently can look more natural.  It is also preferred if you are very active.  As you can imagine, putting something under the pectorals is a big deal. The plan is over the muscle for me – I’ve cleared all the pre-surgery requirements.  BUT…of course, it’s not that simple.  Once the mastectomy is complete, they need to evaluate my skin to determine if it will cooperate with the implant right there.  If it will – I’m good.  If it reads like it won’t, then they will go under the muscle.  Every woman I have spoken to has it under the muscle and they’ve done fine – so if that’s where they end up, so be it.  But I am really hoping for OVER.  Trust me, when I come out of anesthesia, that is the first thing I want to know.  I mean, I’m assuming if I wake up I did fine and I’m going to assume Dr. Singh crushed it and got everything out (and then some).  I will want to know where they ended up.  So if you are thinking good thoughts for me, if you could also think “good, cooperative skin”, I would appreciate that.

When Marc gives the update post-surgery – I will ask him to just say “OVER” or “UNDER” so you know.

I’m in a really good place mentally.  Almost too good.  I’ve been sleeping okay and I’m genuinely happy and just ready to do this.  The other day I asked Marc if it’s possible I’m delusional.  But I know myself and that’s not the case.  At the very top – I have enough information to know the cancer is contained and coming out – TOMORROW.  That means my thoughts aren’t about fearing for my life or even feeling like I am fighting for my life.  Because of early detection (get the mammogram every year, get the 3D mammogram please) and because I’m being as aggressive as I can be with action to remove as much risk as possible – I get to focus on recovery, not fighting for my life.  That is everything.

I have an incredible support system – at home, my family and friends, my Polaris team and Marc’s CNHI team. I am in strong physical and mental condition and ready to just do this.  Get the cancer out (fully) and then figure out what you’re supposed to do with the purple marker drawings.  FYI, the purple cat eye art has now melted into stained glass windows because of body heat, sweating from working out and required showers.  Don’t worry, they sent me home with 2 extra markers and I keep re-drawing the lines – except that I’m not good at art and I may have botched the lines.  I’m really hoping that doesn’t really mess up placement of reconstruction.  I’m not aiming for abstract placement – like a Picasso. Just to look like me…perhaps without 48 years of gravity.

Thank you for all the thoughts, prayers, wishes…I will take them all.  Marc will update the blog post-surgery (don’t expect any humorous commentary – that’s my brand).

I’m expecting a 1-2 night (very likely 2) stay and that puts me home Friday or Saturday.  I told you about Marc taunting me about how he plans to mess with me by loading the dishwasher any way he chooses to challenge my OCD.  Well, challenge accepted.  I ordered myself two hand bells and a hot pink megaphone so he can’t escape my getting his attention when I need (or just want) something.  When I told him I ordered the megaphone he thought I was joking. Never threaten me with a hot mess dishwasher loading job!

Thursday is my workout schedule rest day.  I told my trainer – I have weeks to rest, give me a good one.  Jenny is flying in as we speak for her dad's birthday.  She agreed to come over in the morning so we could workout together.  Little does she know my trainer didn't go easy on me/us – we have a cardio set that builds in intensity followed by something called "Don't Weaken". I looked – it's going to be rough.  But can she really say no to someone about to go under the knife?  We plan to blast some Survivor and work out the angst.  Eye of the Tiger, baby.